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How the Past Can Influence a newly wedded couple
Many newlyweds struggle with issues they have from their past. Sometimes these problems come from their family or from past boyfriends or girlfriends. The way to deal with these issues is to realize what your personal issues are and how they impact you. Then you have to make a valiant effort to not let them influence you in your new relationship. Also, be honest with your spouse about these issues so they understand some of your struggles.
Creating Healthy Patterns
Many family researchers suggest that the patterns we carry with us during marriage are developed in the first year of marriage. With this in mind I would encourage you to consider what patterns you are developing in your marriage? For example, who is doing the housework, yardwork, paying the bills? These are common patterns that once developed donīt change easily. Therefore, I recommend that couples take turns doing the various tasks and then decide what pattern they like best.
Picnics, Parks, and Plays
The first few months of marriage are very important for establishing good memories. Therefore, I encourage couples to get outdoors and have a picnic or go to a theme park or national park. It is also good to attend cultural events such as plays. These are good memories to create together before children come into your life.
No TV! Are You Kidding?
While it may seem difficult, I have met a few couples who have not had a t.v. during the first few years of their marriage. They report that this allows them time to develop good patterns such as, reading together, talking, spending time excercising, and enjoying each other. If you want to try a fun experiment shut off the t.v. for one week. Or if you are really courageous shut off the t.v. for one month. See how this influences your relationship.
I Do
I do! What a wonderful statement. However, what does it mean? I do WHAT? Have you reviewed recently what you said I do to? The promises and commitments we make during our marital vows are binding. We should take these vows very serious and review them periodically so we always remember what we promised our spouse and society.
The Honeymoon Nightmare
Interviews have been conducted related to dating and marital abuse. I have been absolutely shocked by how many individuals have been completely rejected by their spouse on their honeymoon. If this has happened to you I encourage you to talk with someone other than your spouse about what is happening. Honeymoons should be fun and exciting not a nightmare. Talk with someone (i.e. a family member, a counselor)!
Boundaries With Families
Many newly married couples struggle with creating their own boundaries. Consequently, couples sometimes struggle with how to interact with their in-laws. It is important for couples to discuss before it causes problems. If you can get along with each others parents you are lucky. If you and your spouse cannot figure out how to deal with in-laws, step back and analyze what things are relevant to deal with and which are not. For example, how often to visit in-laws or how much financial support is okay from families. If you cannot agree with your spouse consider the long term consequences of taking a stance and whether your relationship is worth the argument. It is important for you to not put down your spouses family. This generally will hurt your relationship.
A Tell Tale Warning Sign
Far too often individuals marry only to find out that their dream spouse has turned out to be Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. If this has been your experience it is good to get help ASAP. This may mean telling your family, seeking professional help, or discussing what is happening with a close friend. Many people cannot believe that their spouse can change so quickly after the marriage has taken place, but it does occur. Please get help early if this is happening to you.
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